The Loop Still Counts Her

the notification came up around mile two. "you and your running partner have done this route 12 times." a little trophy icon under it. i didn't think the app still had her linked, i thought muting someone also erased the history, but the history stays even after the person doesn't.

she muted me the week she moved out. not blocked, just muted, which felt worse in a way i can't fully explain, like she didn't need to close the door, just stop hearing it.

i could have stopped at the usual bench. instead i kept going, past the boathouse, past the spot where she always slowed down and pretended it was to look at the water. i wanted to hit thirteen. i don't know what thirteen would have proven. that i'm still capable of the loop without her. that the loop was ever mine to begin with.

i finished in the dark with my calves burning and no one to send the screenshot to, because sending her the screenshot was always the actual finish line. the run wasn't real until she said good job.

i turned off the shared-activity notifications when i got home. then i turned them back on. i don't want the number to stop climbing just because she's not the one counting it anymore.