Where My Mind Went First
the phone rang at 1:40 and before i was even awake part of me thought: okay. finally. i hate that that came first.
nobody knows this and i'm only typing it because the room is dark and i can delete it.
my mom's been sick the long way. the kind with appointments and a binder and a pill organizer the size of a week. i'm the one who picks up. i've got the rhythm of it now, the on-call voice, the parking garage at the hospital, level three always has a spot.
tonight the phone rang at 1:40 and before i was even awake, before i knew anything, there was this half a second where part of me thought: okay. and meant okay as in finally. as in i could stop bracing.
it was nothing. wrong number, a guy looking for someone named carl.
i said it's okay, wrong number, and hung up, and then i sat on the edge of the bed for a long time because of that half a second. because of where my mind went first when it didn't have time to perform being good.
i love her. i do. i'd take her appointments for ten more years.
i just didn't know i was this tired until something asked me before i could lie about it.
Did this one stay with you?
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