Notifications On for One Name
He's given Priya three kudos this week, one with a heart. I keep notifications on for his name, not the ranking.
Our office runs on this kudos app, public shoutouts that ping the whole channel. Priya got the migration lead I wanted back in March. I told myself I was over it, mostly, and some days I believe that.
What I never turned off is notifications for one specific name. So every time Dev gives someone kudos, I know before the feed even loads. This week he's given Priya three. Great job leading the rollout. Could not have shipped this without you. One with the little heart the app lets you add for free, the one everyone pretends is just a button.
I used to think the thing keeping me up was the project. Tonight, on the fourth reread of his comment on her post, I finally admit it was never the migration. It's that I want him looking at me the way he's looking at her right now, in public, where it counts.
I open a new kudos draft for him. Delete it. Open it again. In the end I close the app without sending anything, and I don't mute his name either. I tell myself I will tomorrow.