Four Clips at the Same Curb

My dashcam has a setting called parking mode. It records short clips whenever something moves near the car while it's off, a cat, a jogger, nothing usually worth keeping.

Tonight the app sent me a notification. New clip ready. I almost didn't open it, then I did, and it wasn't a cat.

It's my own car, parked on his old street, 1:52am. I'm not in frame long, just walking back to the driver's door, getting in, sitting there for six minutes before I pull off. I have no memory of this. None. I would have told you an hour ago that I was asleep by midnight.

I went back through the saved clips. There are four from this month. Same curb, always between one and three, always a few minutes of nothing before I drive home.

I tell people I don't think about him anymore. I mean it when I say it, that's the strange part. Whatever part of me is doing this isn't checking in with the rest of me.

There's a fifth clip in the queue, still processing. I'm sitting at my kitchen table with the phone face down, and I haven't decided if I'm going to watch it or just delete the app.